Ok, please don't give me crap about this. I cannot emphasize this enough. It's the last thing I need right now. I am going to write about this here, just to get it out and let it out. I also need advice/solutions.

I literally think I have gone a bit crazy. I am doing non sensical things, and I am losing my good judgement. I am making poor decisions, and I am well aware of it, so no one needs to tell me this.

I slept with him. We spent Sat afternoon together, since he had invited me to his place as an escape from my existence. It was too hard to resist, because I badly need an escape, and here he was, offering me a day away from my job problems and a day dedicated to pampering me. I needed it and wanted it, so I agreed. Long story short, we slept together and cuddled for several hours.

He knows that this doesn't necessarily mean we are getting back together. I already prefaced the day by saying that. I also expressed beforehand my wish to not sleep together. Then I did, because it was too tempting, and I had a couple cocktails. I am weak, I know!!!! He even had said "no strings attached" when he invited me.

I recall an old friend telling me that she calls this the "mercy f*uk". Like, after you've broken up, have attempted no contact, and then both of you cave because there's no on else, and you want it, so you do it, against your better judgement. That's what this felt like.

Now, I know the problem inherent in doing this. He is going to have false hopes. He believes I still love him, and he told me this. He thinks I am only just fighting against my true feelings.

I also know that this was selfish of me, given how he feels and given what he truly wants from me. I feel badly enough about it as it is. I know it was selfish and self-serving of me.

He bought me some things. He bought me a crystal at the store we went to. When we got back to his place, I realized I had lost a favorite handmade earring at the store, so he bought me a replacement pair online.

Again, I know I have been selfish and self serving. No one needs to tell me this. And I know I am being very contradictory.

I cannot tell you guys enough how truly difficult my circumstances have been on me. I have cracked. I cannot change what I've done, and I cannot go back and erase it. I have to just deal with it and figure it out as I go along. What's done is done.

And now, I have to tell him once again, that I do not want a relationship with him, regardless of what happened on Sat. He's texting me a lot, acting as though we are back together again.

This is where I need advice --- I have no idea how to approach this with him? How do I tell him this?