I have managed to save up $2100 in my savings account. This is a recent record. I still have my Fed tax refund coming this week. I may be able to save up $2900 by the end of this week. The problem is that I want to spend it! I am trying to keep focused on purchasing something useful, that I will use on a periodic basis. Preferably something more practical rather than purchasing just another toy, Lets see if I can resist spending any money until I have the entire $2900 together in the bank. I am afraid of blowing it on a new toy. I want to keep allot of it for my emergency fund. This will be a change for me, saving for future emergencies.

I have not been getting pleasure out of things that I ordinarily would. Earlier, I purchased an iPad to replace one that broke down a couple years ago. In the past, I had so much fun with it, even using it in real productive ways. Now I feel that the iPad does not do as much for me, even though it still can turn out to be useful. I have noticed this with other things in my life. I cannot remember being this serious. During work, instead of being exuberant having fun with the customers, I just sit there just to do my job.

I do not know what is happening. One customer asked me if there is anything wrong. I keep telling myself this is progress for me, that I am just not used to this. This frame of mind has helped me to save up money, and keep my credit card balance low and under control. I have to keep in mind that making emotional progress is a process that continues on well into the future.

The world is showing up differently to me. The colors are no longer vivid. My depression cycles but generally has been under control. Maybe my meds are finally working better? I think my previous recent accidents with my e-scooter has helped change my outlook on my future. Nothing like a very serious injury, that may in some form remain with me the rest of my life, to help me take life more seriously. I am certainly taking my recent weight gain more seriously. My 60’s is turning out to be a watershed time in my life, I thought my 50’s would turn out that way. I was ten years off.

Now there has been something that I have been doing which gives me some fun, I have been trying out different treats purchased from Amazon. It started with pistachios. Next I ordered reconstituted figs. I even ordered ‘Fig Newtons”. This led to ordering Godiva (and Sees) chocolates, three times. Then this lead to large mint patties. Next came Chai Lattes. Next it may be Ghirardelli's hot cocoa mix. I have not paid attention to the costs that were involved. This has all lead to weight gain.

Any thoughts?