Quote:
Originally Posted by Rive.
It is all about self-protection. And yes, it is hard to set boundaries and say 'no'.
It is also important to be consistent and firm in these boundaries as giving another person mixed messages is confusing for all parties concerned.
There needs to be accountability as well - if I say 'no', then say 'yes' I can't put all the 'blame' onto the other person for breaking my boundaries. Why? Because I am giving them mixed messages and this is on me, not them.
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I agree with you, Rive.
In my particular case, I am sure I gave mixed messages to my husband by hanging out with him recently and by having sexual relations with him. I did preface the day by telling him not to expect anything of us hanging out, and that it doesn't mean we are getting back together. He had also prefaced the occasion by telling me it can be "no strings attached", even if we have sex.
But ultimately, when I drew the line by telling him I cannot be in a relationship with him, he should have respected my stance. Instead, he argued his case, trying to convince me otherwise, being all consumed by his own feelings, rather than considering mine. I told him unequivocally that emotionally, I am not there, and that my feelings have changed for him. But, he kept going on and on and on, forcing me to repeat myself over and over again. That is not respecting a boundary, regardless.