It’s really hard to recognize what is happening atm, but I see it clearly now. Mom would not directly ask for what she wanted. What she wanted was for one of us daughters (mostly me) to be her assistant indefinitely (completely unreasonable ask) or to pay for her to have assistants (also unreasonable). She is so good as passive aggressive manipulation that I got that message from the four other people around her involved in this issue. If they had chosen to do what she wanted, I think she would have been satisfied (was it just that I was the target?). But they didn’t want to, so they all came at me in subtle demanding, guilting, coercive ways. It was like I was to receive the message and just do what Mom wanted as though it was my own idea.

Well that didn’t happen and now Mom is going into a facility, as I said she should have all along. I was not asked to help not did they involve me in it at all.

So I did get to uphold my boundaries. They did come to a decision on their own by themselves. I had just heard someone say “Don’t do something for someone they can do for themselves.” I don’t care if my mother gives me the angry, cold shoulder from now on because she is resentful. I chose me! I feel good about what I chose to do to care for and help them. If they don’t want that help, they can do whatever they want. No matter how they treat me, I will still help how I said. That is what I decided. I can do this help, financially, I think and hope, no matter what happens in my marriage.

So boundary set, boundary kept. It wasn’t that much pain this time. It was just some upsetting phone calls and texts.

I learned a new skill in a book I’m reading on ACT which is part of CBT. I am just allowing those feelings and letting them go.