right now PC is sort of my journal... so.. i guess i should explain my fears... i don't understand them.. it's not like generalized anxiety... i don't know why i am afraid.. or what i am afraid of. i know intense stress makes it happen... it overwhelms me... going out sometimes is a struggle.. it often is.. so when i get overwhelmed otherwise, i just cant keep all the balls in the air.

i don't have anyone else who is even remotely understanding about mental health issues... T is it

and what would he say? im not sure.. i try and all that happens is that i think of him getting angry with me.. and me feeling really bad. i know intellectually that he would not be mad... i know that. i know he cares... but... i know he believes i need to be moving towards mmore independence, self reliance and so i think he would tell me i need to figure this out...