"How about you both see things from her perspective, and meeting her where she needed to be met, instead of demonising her.

Instead of placing all the blame at her feet, maybe you could look at how you were a participant in that dynamic between the two of you."

I did. I spent years in counselling, five with this one counselor.

Her perspective was the only perspective.

I accepted my guilt completely, and my wrong was the only measure of me for years. Nothing else.

You're quick to question the professionalism and ability and knowledge of the therapist I've been seeing. Ok. What if she's right? My wife didn't have an expectation on her to keep a regular schedule, be present for the kids, contribute income, contribute to household chores. Whatever she offered I thanked her for it.

But when I said, the oldest is really hurting, and you do treat him differently in important ways. Please talk to him. You need to be around more. You can't be on the phone for hours every night in a locked room. The kids need you around. I'm working from home during covid and the kids are in online school.
Can you be up before noon to help. I'm working full time and renovating the house around your sleep schedule. I can't keep up with the chores too. it was countered with, "Well you looked at pornography."

I believe I deeply hurt her. I also now question if this was also used to be manipulative.

What if?