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*Beth* · Feb 22, 2023, 11:33 PM

Unbelievable experience today. I'm still asking myself if it's real, or did I dream it? Has our health care system degraded THIS badly? I see that Amazon has started a huge health care program, much of it located in and around San Francisco, and I'm keeping it on the back burner as a possibility for health care, including psychiatry.

SIX weeks ago I made an appointment for this Friday to see the new pdoc. I have waited the 6 weeks, even rearranged my entire sleep/life schedule so I can be at the appointment Friday morning (new pdoc works mornings). This afternoon around 3 p.m. I got a call from the clinic telling me that there's no room in the new pdoc's schedule and so sorry, but- can't see ya!

W.T.F.

I have stopped seeing S. because he is so inexperienced and negligent. Haven't been to that clinic for a month. Now I've been told that I do not have any psychiatric care. Bang. Dropped.

I lost it. For one of the very, very few times in my life I literally could not get off the floor. I was hysterical. I will be out of Prozac Friday night. I had asked the b-it*h on the phone what I'm supposed to do, she mumbled something about not knowing what to tell me.

I managed to get the phone and call my therapist (same clinic, a different department). I honestly do not recall everything that happened, except that I kept calling and calling numbers. Somehow, there was M.'s voice telling me to breathe, that I was having a panic attack and had to breathe. She said I was hallucinating. I don't know what I said that made her say I was hallucinating. I was unstrung. M. said they had six weeks to tell me this, why had they waited until less than 48 hours, I remember she said that. And I know she asked me to give her until tomorrow (I see her tomorrow) to figure out what's going on, that we will work this out.

I feel so scared I don't even know how I'll sleep tonight.

I looked out of my bedroom window, though, and overnight the apricot tree has blossomed. It's so beautiful.

Anyway, I'll take all the good vibes I can get. Thanks.