@Have Hope

Thank you for that clarification!

I was wrong to say that the way I did, questioning if she is a good person.

I honestly believe she IS a good person.

I don't know that she does what she does consciously. I also think she has surrounded herself with people who she is negatively influenced by, and concurrently and progressively lost contact with people who said, "That's not OK."

Before the pornography issue it was a threat to just divorce. Any discussion where there was a real issue, like.... A total lack of physical affection.... Sometimes in excess of 12 months at a time with no affection.... Resulted in a "We should just get divorced" comment.

Later, the topic became my pornography viewing.

Later again, it became, "You didn't support me against your father completely. Why didn't you cut ties with your family and protect me from them?"

I never wanted to be divorced, so I backed out of those conversations. I was guilty for viewing pornography so that topic resulted in me backing off from any discussion or expectation, and I felt she was vulnerable (and my father was wrong) in the argument with my parents so I felt guilty for not doing even more than I did, so whenever that was thrown at me I backed down.

Now she is continuing to say everything she is going to take from me, and my gut reaction is to relent.... Just give her what she wants and try to have peace.

Again.... I believe she is a good person. An unwell, injured person. I honestly don't want to contribute to more injury.

Right now she is deeply injured that we tried to sell the house last week.... After 5 months of her telling the kids we were divorcing, she is deeply injured because I acted on it. I was supposed to wait for her.

She is threatening lawyer and court all the time. If the kids voice mom was loud, insulting to me, insulting to them, drank alcohol a lot, didn't maintain any kind of schedule, went out with her friends regularly, and they are scared to drive with her, it isn't going to be me who looks bad.

I am STILL trying to protect her from herself with some of this stuff.