I messaged my Primary to please consider ordering Ativan for me. I would rather have asked her in person, but I can't get in to see her until April. I'll be shocked if she actually orders it.

I need some relief from this fretfulness and sense of dread. I've got all these GI problems with bleeding ulcers. I was just over for intravenous iron because, apparently, I'm leaking red blood cells. Being in this mental state is not doing my gut any good. They need to look at me holistically.

I just went to the eye doctor. I had more errands to run, but just came right home instead. I felt too anxious and agitated to go do anything else. My house is all untidy, but I'm just staying on the couch, trying to stop being all keyed up. I haven't even been filling up my bird feeders.

I hate this feeling of being all fretful inside. Years ago, I probably would have popped some pop corn and cracked open a few beers. Then I'ld find a movie. After 2 or 3 beers, I wouldn't have a care in the world. Then I'ld play my favorite CDs and take a nap. Now I don't have much interest in any drinking at all. Plus I worry it will get my ulcer bleeding.

I just want to feel normal again. Now I just have to cry. What is wrong with me?