I can't remember if you have a therapist or a psychiatrist.

What I think might be helpful is if you have a crisis plan in place in case this occurs and it sends you spiraling to a bad place.

I don't know what helplines are available to you in the UK. I did a google search and this text line came up: 85258 so maybe if you get in a bad space you can text with them and they can help you out. I use a similar one in the US and they have been helpful and have even put a safety plan together with me.

If you get to the point where you think you are going to do major self harm or if you get suicidal you need to go to the hospital. I think you all call it the A&E. You need to proactively take care of yourself during this time.

There is also the Samaritans which I think are UK based: Contact Us | Samaritans and they may be able to help you.

I think that ruminating about it and getting yourself panicked about it will not be helpful to you. You need to proactively think of ways to protect yourself, keep yourself safe, and hopefully cope successfully with this very distressing event.

We are always here to listen to you on MSF. Ultimately though, you need to take responsibility for keeping yourself safe. You can do this willowtigger. You are not the same person now that was victimized then. You are strong and brave and you can face this and you can not only survive but thrive.

Sending hugs, Kit