Dear T,

I think I figured it out. I may email you tomorrow, or I may not, but I'm glad that I managed to get a hold of the vague and random thoughts that were flitting through my mind at the end of our last session.

I've been in a dark place. I think I'm still semi in the dark place, but I'm doing everything I can, and everything that K taught me to try and find my way back out. That said, I also think we need to listen to the darkness. To hear it and feel it, as uncomfortable as that is. As difficult as that is. That's what I was trying to get at on Tuesday. To simply allow/ignore the 'behaviour' isn't right. I need to be trying to communicate with the part of me that triggers this behaviour, I think. To try to listen to it. To let it speak. To let it feel. To help it to understand these feelings.

So I did an art journal page, and I went for a muddy walk in the rain and wrote a poem as I walked. I'm not sure either helped, in the short term, but I'm hoping that it will, in the long term.

They say that life's a journey,
They say enjoy the ride,
But it's hard to see the beauty,
When there's demons on your side.

I can hear the birds a singing,
I can hear the babbling brook,
But all I see is darkness,
When I dare to stop and look.

An uphill path and an unsure way,
Boots stuck in mud, if I fall i'll stay.

They say that life's a journey,
The say enjoy the ride,
I really am trying my hardest,
But I'm swimming against the tide,

The river keeps on flowing,
The path it stretches on,
........
........ (I can't remember these two lines, but I have them written down to show you on Tuesday!)

I take a breath and I feel the rain,
Yet coursing through my body is the deepest depth of pain.