Thank you all for your responses. I really needed to hear other experiences. I just wrote I letter to my T, which I will give to her at the "end" of our next session...lol so she can read it while I am not there. Its basically explaining how I go in with so much I want to talk about but it just doesn't come out.
That I just need to know that she would never be upset with me for not being able to say something, or wouldn't be shocked by anything I had to say.
And most of all that I need to know that she has done this before.......that I am in safe hands......and that if I ever were to lose it you would be there for me the best she can....

I think that is part of my fear....that I will be abandoned when things get tough, I am afraid to be vulnerable because I can't take being hurt again...ugh......its so freaking difficult.,.....sometimes it literally makes me sick....

Chaotic.....please do tell me. I told my T that my school counselor suggested for me to take meds. My T told me that if she sees that I can't handle things well anymore we will look into that route, but as if now she thinks I am doing. I think I am like you in that I really don't show or tell her what is really going on in my brain and how stinking sick I do feel in there at times......like I could run to the bathroom and vomit......but I don't.....cause I have to hold it all together and "pretend" I am so strong...