Theres a few things I'm struggling with right now.

I have a very, very large extended family. The community I'm from, both my parents have roots there for four generations.

My wife was wonderful about getting to know all my family and extensive interconnections with friends and neighbors.

But together we chose a location where we could travel, in a day, to visit family. We purposely chose a location where we could see family but we weren't overwhelmed by them.

I'm looking at this situation now.... My future is in a place I'm not from. I don't have many deep friendships here. Back "home" it's still different. I can visit and see family and lifetime friends and we pick up right where we left off. My kids are taken in like their own wherever we go.

Being here, on my own, feels damn lonely even with the kids with me. I'll never know someone again like I knew her.


The other thing is, my wife feels profound hurt from me for umpteen things. Like I said, she begins at the conclusion, that I hurt her, then she works backward to find the way I did.

There's really something wrong with her thinking, but I think she ultimately truly does feel like I wronged her.

Like her birthday.... Flowers, card, gift, meal... Oldest didn't want to be there. I'm at fault for not bringing the family together and she's hurt/angry at me.

That's messed up, but I still don't want her to feel hurt, or to hurt her.

But, she keeps threatening things with this separation. In the next two weeks the lawyers will be advised; she drank alcohol in significant quantities daily, she did not manage her health conditions, the kids won't drive with her, the kids have heard her threaten me with divorce for years, the kids have seen her stand over me curse me out and berate me repeatedly, she was verbally and emotionally terrible to our oldest, and the kids refuse to live with her.

This WILL mentally and emotionally destroy her. I will be the "cause" of all this pain. I have to disclose all this to get a fair settlement and custody.

I carry so much guilt for ever hurting her, now I'm going to do more.

Isn't that codependent as heck?? I'm scared of her being hurt for the repercussions of her own actions.