Yes, it's the codependency in you. Please try to place your own well being and your children's well being first. For a codependent, this can seem impossible.

You are concerned about her hurting, yet it's true that she has done this to herself. You are not to blame for any of her own behaviors that have caused issues for her. You are looking out for yourself and your children, as you should be.

Codependents have a LOT of trouble with self love, self acceptance and self care. This is where your personal growth and inner work exist.

Learn to love and accept yourself.. learn to appreciate ALL that you DID do for her over the years. Learn to not take her blame and finger pointing at you.

Be objective about her, if you can.

Stand back and view the situation from 10,000 feet high and observe yourself and her objectively.

Would you counsel a close family member or best friend, if they were in your shoes, to not accept her blame?

Would you view yourself as a good husband, who tried his very best to support, provide for and love his wife as best as he possibly could have, mistakes and faults aside?

Sure, we all make mistakes, we all falter and we're not always at our very best, but this is human and we must accept where we may falter or disappoint and still believe that we did the best we possibly could have.

Give yourself a very large and healthy dose of self compassion, understanding and love..... learn to love yourself, for all that you are, because you are a wonderful human being who doesn't deserve all this blame and accusation from your ex/wife.

Please go easy on yourself.... you can feel compassion for her, yet still have the understanding that you don't deserve what she dishes out to you.