I've done a lot to keep the eyes of family and neighbors off our home. I've normalized a lot of stuff in our home.

My wife views things I do as "coming at her" and "controlling her". For example, me driving the youngest to meet her was me controlling her and the youngest, and manipulating the youngest to believe that mom wasn't a safe driver. This after she had two near misses the last time the kid was in the car with her, and missed a stop sign. I didn't put this in the kid's head. But to my wife, this is my fault and me driving the kid to her is hurtful and an attack on her somehow.

Me saying I did everything I could for her birthday but the oldest didn't want to be around her, was me "coming at her" to point out she is a bad parent.

She isn't threatening divorce and separation. She is threatening all the things she is going to take and the financial ruin she is going to subject me to, and that she is going to force the sale of the family home.

She does NOT accept the realities of all this. No one is going to win, there are just degrees of losing. If she ruins me financially, I will move to the apartment in my parent's home, which means the kids are 5hrs away from her. And yes, if I have full custody I can do this, and there is work in that community, and love, and support, and family and old friends. I'll be fine.

Once I start fighting back and cast some light on her activites and once the kids speak to a lawyer it is going to hit her very hard emotionally. She'll be forced into reality, and she will hate me for it.

I want to post less because I need to get my anxiety under control more, and I need to focus more on what is, not what I wish things were.

God.... I've tried for so long to create peace and stability, and to shield her from so much, and to have her love, and now my way forward (to protect me and the kids) is to shine a light on all this stuff she's said and done.