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*Beth* · Feb 26, 2023, 04:40 PM

I've been sleeping really well, and maybe it sounds odd, but almost too well. Sleep that is so deep I don't recall my dreams and I have a hard time coming into consciousness. I take 10mg of melatonin every night; I'm wondering if I should try only 5mg.

I need to call my sister and I'm dragging my feet. I feel rotten, guilty, and mostly SAD. Her dementia is getting worse and talking with her on the phone is hard. Last time we spoke she was sharp and a bit hostile (not at all to me, just her attitude, in general). I really fear that as her dementia worsens, she will become angrier. She accused our BIL (our other sister's husband) of "sleeping with that young woman who used to live with them."

It took me quite a while to figure out that the "young woman" my sis was referring to was actually our BIL's younger sister, who had briefly lived with our sister and BIL back in the late '70's. Yikes. So I reminded my sis that the young woman was our BIL's sister. My sis replied, "Oh, well! That's what he claimed, anyway!"

It was very upsetting. My sis knows our BIL's sister well, but somehow she's forgotten and has twisted stuff up.

It's hard, because I call my sis, then feel rotten, and I'm here by myself isolating too much. What I'm trying to say is that I fear my own depression. But I want to talk with her...I suppose I'm grieving for the loss of who she was.

I also need to call my niece and a friend who keeps leaving messages. I'm really not a phone person. Maybe I'll manage to call my niece today.

I have a new water bottle to take to therapy sessions. It has a cover of gold sparkles and a straw. That way, I don't have to unscrew a lid every time I need water during session. Small thing, but it makes me feel good. I drink a lot of water, so I experiment with different types of water bottles.

Sage cleansing...