Ah. Yeah, that's a crowd that can be difficult to navigate. One of my oldest friends frequents that kind of crowd because she's a bassist and vocalist, but even she is wary of who she's around in that crowd. But her husband is usually with her, so generally she's fine, but she has VERY strong boundaries (she didn't always). This is her second marriage -- which is a healthy one. But she comes from a very abusive first marriage, so she's been where you are but has gotten to the other side. I know she steered clear of that scene for a great while -- found some strong female friends (also musicians who she ended up forming a band with for a while - they were female friends supporting each other so they were each others' safety) -- and got herself together before she felt confident that she could navigate that scene without falling into old ways.

Sometimes we have to make a conscious choice to not put ourselves in environments that repeatedly set us up to be somehow unsafe. It can be tempting to keep going back to what we are comfortable with, but if that comfort sets us up for repeated problems, it is wise to find a different outlet for those interests. Or, until you have a group of solid female friends you can go with who will look out for each other, perhaps give it a break for a bit.