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Originally Posted by arich62
Alec here, age 60. Actually this post is about hormones as I am editing it now. Getting into gender therapy and getting prescribed female hormones have been a couple of positive situations that happened because of the pandemic which allowed me the time alone, space and online access to therapy while being able to explore my gender by participating in transgender groups on Zoom.
My current status is that I was able to get prescribed estrogen back in August. Was able to get a referral to a doctor who prescribed. My gender therapist encouraged me to start hormones. I guess she felt this would really test my resolve to see if I was a true trans person. I was reluctant at first, waited about a year, started in August. Stayed on them for two months. Fear and depression and mood swings from being on them and side effects I decided to micro dose and ultimately quit after two months. In January I restarted the hormones, taking full dosage, knowing what to expect and more used to and adjusted to the changes. The estrogen is addicting in the way that it makes me feel calmer and more at peace with myself. I just fear the day still when I will become fearful of the outside world. I know that transition is supposed to happen from the inside out and not the other way around and at times it can feel like I am doing it backwards but I am far from passable, I need to lose a lot of weight and take better care of myself.
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I guess what I was thinking of from "transition happening from the inside out rather than the outside in just has to do with the mind, or social transition happening first and getting used to the role before starting HRT. Perhaps it's a different approach for F2M's? Back in my day (the 1990's) those in gender transition were required to live in RLT (Real Life Therapy) for one year before even starting hormones. Now all of that has changed and it's like they give us a grace period of several months to "detransition" if so choose.
Yes, I do think often of just being gender -noncomforming as I am in particular nervous about growing breasts too large. Tiny is ok and want to get my medication controlled to where the growth is really slow and rather be somewhere in the middle. But I like the other changes in me, softer skin, larger eyes, buttocks. It's where I wanted to be I guess, for so many years so many years. I tried for many years, when I would get out of the closet I would soon go back in and back and forth and felt that HRT would push me forward but instead is doing the same, just on another level.