prairie, I was very reluctant to take psychotropic meds also, especially anti-depressants. I did take an anti-anxiety med for a little while, but it had to be the one I picked and told my doctor I wanted (buspar). I was very resistant and scared of the whole idea of meds. My doc even wrote me a prescription for Lexapro once, and I waited for ages to get it filled. Finally I took it to the pharmacy and they told me that even with insurance it would cost $75/month. I can't afford that, and when I left the pharmacy, I felt a huge sense of relief, because I hadn't really wanted to take that med. Phew!

Now I am in a different space and more open to meds. I have recently started taking Wellbutrin for ADHD. It is also an anti-depressant, and I think it is helping me! It's not dramatic, but subtle. I go to a PNP who is very easy to talk to and work with. If I try taking a med that she has prescribed and it doesn't work well, I will just not take it anymore. There's no obligation to take drugs that are not helpful. This seems simple to me now, but when I was resistant to taking drugs, I never thought of that. So just thought I'd pass that along--you can always stop taking a med if it doesn't help you or causes you to be too passive, zombyish, hyper, manic, gain weight, etc. I think it will be reassuring if you can find a doctor (or PNP) that you get along well with and trust and can communicate with to work with you on your meds. Good luck!