I felt guilty that I even existed. My own mother wanted me dead,but she is pious enough to not kill me herself.She had no qualms about hiding it either. She was very vocal about it.When ever there was a conversation between us,which was very scarce in the first place,her go to sentence is....Why don't you just die?I was young and didn't know how to die.I asked around and got a label that I was a crazy little girl who enquires how do you die.I thought death is a skill you learn.And I wanted to please my mom so hard.I noticed adults becoming wild eyed,when I asked ..Do you know how to die? I didn't even know why they acted like that and scurried away.