From what you have shared your wife sounds like a narcissist. They don’t “love” and they have very fragile egos. They skew reality and they are all about needing control. They play your emotions to get their needs met. They can act sweet but it is just an act to get their needs met. Add alcohol abuse to that and the dysfunction escalates.

Children are supposed to feed their ego and often there are problems when children get older and want more independence.