Hi lostandlonely,

I am sorry to read of the hard things you've been experiencing. I, too, am in my 40s and single. I had hoped to get married, but at this point, I think it's more likely that God has a life of singleness ahead for me. I struggled with it for awhile but I've come to accept it, and now I focus on building other kinds of friendships. If God sends someone special into my life to marry later, that will be a special gift, and if not, I want to enjoy my life as it is. I don't want to look backwards and think I spent my whole life waiting for something that never came. So I'm enjoying my life as a single person.

I have a plaque on my wall with the quote, "Bidden or unbidden, God is present." It is a quote from psychologist, Carl Jung, of all people. But it reminds me that God is always with me, whether I ask God to be here or not....whether I can feel God at that moment or not.....whether God *seems* to be here right now or not. Whether I am praying formally and trying to communicate with God right at the moment, or not, God is there. And whether the evidence suggests it or not, God is there, too. Your life may not be going the way you wish it were going right now, but God is still there with you and cares very much about you.

As others have suggested, sometimes it seems like there is distance with God when we feel upset with God. It can help to talk with God about those upset feelings. God can listen to any upset feelings we have, including mad or angry feelings. It's okay to talk about those things with God. Praying or journaling about these things can sometimes help a lot.

Even though things are rough, I bet there are also some positive things happening for you. Looking for some of those good things each day helps me, and remembering that - even in the hard times - there are things for which to feel grateful, whether it is a beautiful sunset, a pretty flower in the garden, enjoying a walk in the morning....a visit with a friend...a good meal...whatever has been best during the day.

And even if you haven't found "Mr. Right," it helps to make good friendships with others. That's been a big help to me. As others have said, you might find a church group you enjoy, whether it is a singles group, or a Bible study, or a women's fellowship group....or if that's not your cup of tea, sometimes volunteering can be a good way to make some new friendships and also fight depression at the same time. Find some cause that matters to you. Maybe you like animals, and can volunteer at an animal shelter; or if you like the environment, help with trail-upkeep days at a local park, for instance. There is a volunteer opportunity for anyone who wants to become involved.

Best wishes to you. Take good care of yourself, and my thoughts and prayers will be with you.

Take care,
ErinBear