I'm so sorry, RD.

As they say in codependency, you can't take more than 50% of the credit or 50% of the blame. So what is she doing? Probably expecting you to take 100% while she takes zero. It doesn't really matter what's wrong with her, except that it might give you some understanding, because in the end you really just have to take care of yourself and your kids. Which you're doing exceptionally well.

Big hugs for you.