Crap. This saga is not over.

Ex T texted me. I had bought her books on self harm once she said she didn't understand it. She wanted to know if I wanted them mailed to me. I do not. I already have them. She said she was wondering what she did wrong. I just took the blame for everything. Said I loved her too much and didn't want to hurt her by being unwell and I am unwell right now. Thought maybe she would feel better. I feel like crap.

She responded back
Yes I understand. But I think we could have worked it out. Its ok. I want the best for you. If I'm not it so be it...but I doubt you will find anyone that carried you in their heart daily. I hope I'm wrong. But I can't deny its a big loss for me because I was thoroughly dedicated and determined to help you be well and peaceful. I have to turn it over to God now. Protecting me was your issue.
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OMG! I am still being hurt by this woman. I cried a little and I don't even cry. I'm just trying to do what I think is best for my mental health. I haven't gotten any better with her in 14 months. I could be with her another 7 years and still not be better. I think that was enough of a trial to know that this approach isn't working. Maybe I should have tried to talk to her before leaving her. But I just chickened out. And she might have talked me into staying. I really felt it was time to leave. When I told her I was having trouble sleeping she told me to drink alcohol and smoke pot. Both things are not for me. And she should have known that. I don't care if other people do them, but they aren't right for me. Like what the heck. I texted new T who is going to get sick of me quick. I told her what was said. Not that she can help. My head hurts. This is like a bad romantic breakup. I'm such a mess.