Have you ever asked yourself if you are enabling her?

If the answer is yes, you aren't doing her any favours.
There is no opportunity for her to grow or learn that her behaviour if inappropriate. Therefore, in her mind she is fully entitled to act however she wishes. Everyone else is wrong. She doesn't have to be accountable.

I realize this would have been difficult for you to do, but you should have gone and retrieved that bottle of wine and told her it was for everyone to enjoy and celebrate her birthday, not for her to drink alone. That's calling her behaviour out. Then ignore her ranting about it.

As an onlooker, it's easy for me to type my holier than thou post. Just know I have great compassion for what you are going thru. I also have trouble causing pain or hurt to another.