to me, I would say I fear being " normal"

before my diagnoses I didn't really have a plan for my life. I got diagnosed with condition after condition, booted out of school, unable to work, lost friends and family, and I know now (or at least I reckon), if things went back to normal, and I woke up one day cured, I would not know what to do with myself

so much time has passed, that it wouldn't be easy to just, " start again"