I feel like my emotions have been kind of all over the place. I got really hurt by some fairly minor things with the guy I am seeing, and they seemed and felt like a big deal to me at the time. But I also try to take into consideration that we have ONLY just met each other and we are still figuring each other out. We are both really into each other, we also both have a very hurtful broken past from our ex's and being treated wrong, harmfully, toxically and being used and abused by both of us from the past. However! instead of what I have seen with other lovers, and dating partners in the past, this guy is not projecting actions from his past ex's onto me like my ex does from early on in our relationships.
If you need to clarify what I mean by that, I mean if one of the ex-girlfriend's of NOW ex-boyfriend, cheated on him and he would almost seem to seek out excuses to find similarities with me to that person.Just to point the finger and say " YOUR CHEATING" when in fact I was not!
I feel like a lot of my emotions are due to two major factor's #1 I am just ending my first trimester of pregnancy, a pregnancy I had not expected to have and at the beginning honestly thought I was not goint to keep but emtionally I simply could not do it.
Pregnancy as we all learn in human anatomy if you ever take it! or at least biology is a challenging and VERY emotional time to deal with. Its been even harder for me since, from the very beginning I knew I was going to go at this all for the most part alone.
The two men that could be the potential fathers are so unhealthy, abusive, and toxic that I just completely and utterly refuse to have that door potentially open back up in my life even for potentially getting child support from them.
cause I feel like to some degree they would hold it against me that I did and be and remain bitter towards me and kids(having twins)\
Of course, this was not how I envisioned being a first-time mom, at all but families are not all the same, and how I go about doing this with my twins is on me more than anyone else! and that is what is keeping me out of the deep deep recesses of depression the most right now.
but I have not been able to come out and talk to as much of my family about all this as I would like due to my circumstances and the potential rejection or judgement I am afriad of potentally facing when having that disscussion.