I agree, it stems from attachment issues.

It sounds like you want bread crumbs from the unavailable. She told you she wasn’t into sex. She was honest to say if that was important to you, you should divorce. A good question to reflect on is Why didn’t you divorce then? How did you proceed instead? Did you try to change her or yourself? Did you take the incompatibility on as a challenge or something to cause pain from a massochistic viewpoint, even subconsciously?

This issue you had resonates with me in my marriage (now separated). We started out very compatible though, but he changed shortly after we married which started the incompatibility issue. Then it went steadily downhill due to both of us and we couldn’t fix it to get it on track again. Also, thinking it was a begging for breadcrumbs from emotionally unavailable.