In 2018 i had a state of grief followed by a disorder in relationships and then a psychosis in 2019
In 2020 my father died and my mother got cancer, i went into suicidal mode and never got out

I lost everything financially and stopped talking to my old sister

Thought being guilty from the start i can't help but saying to myself that "i dont remember what happened", but it's not true

But again, when I say to myself "i have been a beast" i think at that girl and i can't believe it, cause I actually wasn't
I was a good person but didnt take full charge of things

I am sorry for my family but it is gone, i am helpless
I am so angry with my young self and it is beyond forgiveness

Sorry to anyone who will read, i don't know what to do, wanted to throw this out of my chest