Hi everyone,

I don't know what to write, all I know is that something's really wrong with me. I feel totally alone and misunderstood. The last time I felt this hollow, I was still cutting, and I'm having the urge to SI again.

I talked to my grandma an hour ago, and we talked about what I plan to do in grad school. I can tell she doesn't approve of what I want to study. My dad doesn't understand it either. The only person who might have understood and encouraged me was my mother, but she's been dead for almost three years now. I miss her so much,and I didn't get the chance to say goodbye.

I haven't gone out for four days, and haven't seen anybody but my senile father for just as long. I finally got the chance to talk to one of my friends from college yesterday, but I couldn't ask her for her help because she was having a breakdown... she told me some really awful things and I don't know how to help her, or if I have the emotional resources to do so.

Even here, I feel somewhat estranged. I see that many of you have thousands of posts and have been members for years. I don't know if I belong here, you all seem so tight-knit, and I don't know how to fit in...

I don't know what to do, all I know is that I feel hollow and pathetic and worthless and physically ill. I wanna cry but can't... I wanna feel, but can't...

Thanks for readig this, though,
J