I'm still trying to wrap my head around the concept of trauma bonding. Being immersed in it, and subjected to it for a long time can make it hard to fully conceptualize it. But I digress a bit...

In learning about trauma bonding, it seems there was a study where they found that the effects of trauma bonding on the brain were very much like the effects of cocaine. So it's an extremely powerful force. It's hard to consider that being in an awful trauma bonded situation may not be much different than being a coke addict. Ugh. At least if you are doing cocaine, you probably have some idea that it isn't good for you. In a relationship, you convince yourself it's a healthy situation.

It's also important to remember that it's not black and white. There probably were genuinely good times in there throughout the years, it's just there was also a covert, underlying pattern of control and manipulation that took a long time to be recognized.

Hope you're hanging in there okay, RD.