A little background, my wife and I have a one year old and three year old and have been married for five years. Before we had kids there wasn't much issue in our relationship, we mostly did our own thing and there wasn't much reason for conflict.

However, after we had kids and our eldest got up to the toddler period I started to see signs that my wife might have undiagnosed Asperger's. Without going into detail, I've done quite a bit of research and most of the elements are there.

She'll do stuff like:

• Walk out of the room on our son without acknowledging him
• Miss cues when our son is wanting to connect
• Startle easily and yell at him at inappropriate times
• Fail to model good behavior, do things to him, then get mad when he copies her

Some of the above points to some level of mind blindness where she doesn't seem to understand how to maintain a strong, consistent relationship with our children.

My eldest loves her more than anything but you can tell that the relationship stresses him out because she's just not consistent. He is considerably more relaxed around me.

The above raises a few issues:

1) My wife is undiagnosed and likely doesn't understand that she has Aspergers. I've been trying to relay some of this information like encouraging her to watch for our son's cues. But it's difficult to come right out and tell a thirty-seven year old that she may have autism.

2) Our son's behavior is becoming a little more unpredictable because my wife seems unable to deal with him appropriately a little too often. She'll get a good streak going, then do something out of hand and our progress of teaching our son gets lost.

3) And as an aside, as her husband I'm starting to slip into a level of depression as she often misses my cues too, and doesn't really seem interested in me beyond a superficial level. I often feel like I have to do all the cognitive heavy lifting in our relationship. This is more of a vent than an ask.

It's been years since I posted at this forum so I'm not sure what reception this thread will get. But I appreciate any advice.