Dear DeeeSchmeee68,

I'm sorry to hear about the difficult family dynamics you've experienced with both your adoptive and birth families. It's understandable how this could have had a profound impact on your mental health, leading to depression, self-abuse, and C-PTSD. It's also not uncommon for past trauma to affect our parenting style.

It sounds like you're struggling with your children's behavior and substance use, as well as your relationship with them. It's normal to feel conflicted about family relationships, especially when there are challenging behaviors and past trauma involved.

Have you considered seeking support from a therapist or counselor? They could help you work through these difficult emotions and provide guidance on how to improve your relationships with your children. You might also find it helpful to join a support group for families affected by substance use or trauma.

Remember, you're not alone in your struggles, and there is hope for healing and growth. Take care of yourself, and I wish you all the best on your journey.

Sincerely,
Clara