I don't think that anybody has said that in any thread recently...

I'm wondering how much different people are meaning slightly different things by 'feminine' and by 'sexy' and so if the disagreement is more apparent than real.

Little kids can wear feminine clothes that aren't sexy, of course, and so can adults. I don't have trouble with people dressing in a feminine manner. I'm not terribly feminine in my dress myself, though I suppose wearing fitting jeans and fitting t-shirts etc could be thought of as feminine in a way... I guess I'm just not that comfortable wearing skirts etc because I haven't worn one for a while... But that being said there really are some very nice skirts (IMHO) and there are some that I wouldn't at all mind wearing (if only my income was a bit higher than what it is) :-)

It is funny... In my department people talk about ideas / theories / views being 'sexy'. For example, four dimensionalist views in metaphysics are often referred to as 'sexy' and people get this grin on their face when they contemplate them / discuss them. Because... They sound interesting and exciting and... Could well be true... Gets the blood racing a little to contemplate them... Interpretations of quantum mechanics are a little bit similar lol.

So...

Maybe (for me) it is just that I don't like it when I notice people staring at my legs / *** / breasts. Some guys do it - and I take offence to that because I DON'T wear things that draw attention to my cleavage. I DON'T wear major push-up bras and / or things with low necks that are designed to expose cleavage. I guess I just think that IF I DID wear those things - then it would be understandable that they would look (rather than listen), however.

This mainly occurs to me because I know a woman in history who is EXTREMELY smart and funny and she is attractive, yes. She wears major push-up bras and clothes that are fairly classy, yes, but they are also clothes that accentuate her legs / *** / breasts. Her posture / mannerisms are also such that people tend to stare at her. She wonders... Why don't people listen to what she says more? Why don't those visiting proffs appreciate that she is as smart as her comments and criticisms show that she is? Why didn't she get a job in the field - she is friendly and smart and entertaining in interviews? I think that the way she presents herself (IMHO as a sexual object first and foremost) detracts considerably from the many wonderful qualities that she in fact possesses and those many wonderful qualities that would result in her being a real leader in her field if only people listened a little more and stared a little less... And I guess I think... That she does need to take some responsibility for how she presents herself. And about the appropriateness of that in different settings...

But I could well be alone in that.

So: Yes. I agree that there can indeed be a middle ground. And... I'm not sure how much we are disagreeing really...