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Sometimes psychotic
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Default Mar 09, 2023 at 01:52 PM
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by SlumberKitty View Post
I am struggling but I am trying to feel better. I woke up at 2 AM this morning because I was so distressed.

I went to urgent care yesterday because my GP was full. Urgent care didn't do crap. They were like, oh you're a cutter?! (I hate that term. I prefer self harmer.)

Possible trigger:


But they blew me off. They just rewrapped it, not even as good as I had it wrapped. No after care instructions. No what to look for if it gets infected. Nothing. Total waste of time.

I got home and I called my GP to see if there had been any cancellations. My GP got on the phone. I tried to explain that I needed sutures. But she said if urgent care didn't do them, she wouldn't. I tried to explain that I had been discriminated against because they were self inflicted but she blew me off. She told me to leave the bandage alone and to come see her next week. UGH. I was so frustrated. I thought about going to the ER but I've had bad experiences there getting care too. Sometimes they just rewrap it and send me home. One doctor got verbally and physically angry with me. Sometimes they send me for a psych consult. Once I ended up hospitalized. So I decided to just deal with it myself even though they really needed to be taken care of better.

It felt like no one cared. I expressed that frustration to a friend and she ripped me a new one. So I had to apologize and tell her I was just venting. That was what it felt like at that moment. That's what I get for trying to express my feelings.

I am trying to feel better today and to turn the page and get back to healthier coping methods. I tried to get a sooner appointment with my pdoc but he is full until April and I have an appointment in April anyway. Besides I already know he isn't going to do anything about this.

I felt bad because my new T texted me a bunch yesterday. I told her she could charge me for a session but she said no. I hope I don't push her away.

I'm frustrated with my symptoms. (hallucinations played a big role yesterday) and I am frustrated with my actions. And I am frustrated that I couldn't get good care. And I am frustrated that my friends didn't seem to understand. But I am trying to breathe and relax and just be chill today. I had to come to work, which maybe is better because it will take my mind off of things. I am looking forward to this weekend when I can hopefully get a nap or two.

HUGS kit
Hugs SK.

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