Yes, you are being 100% unreasonable.

I think your mistake was flirting with your guy friend via text message. Test or not set up by your husband, it speaks to your problem with boundaries. You also blame your guy friend for your behavior.

All he did - according to your post below - was text you asking you how you are - which isn't an inappropriate question. There's no hidden agenda behind it. However, your text response is 100% inappropriate, that you even admit to us, that you know is inappropriate. Guy friend or not - I don't send flirty texts to any guy friends I have because I don't want to give them the wrong idea.

The problem isn't with your guy friend or your husband. This is a "you" problem. For some reason, rather than examine why you are unhappy about your marriage or your life, I think you found your guy friend to be an easy target to project your unhappiness on to, and then got mad at your husband for holding you accountable for your self-admitted inappropriate behavior. I think you're mad at your husband for having healthy boundaries with you because you don't respect him. If you did respect your husband, you wouldn't go seeking outside attention from other men. I think you would rather try to talk to your husband about your boredom with your life and the marriage, and get counseling at the very least. But to decide to cheat? That's definitely a "you" problem.

Now the problem: about a year ago, I ran into an old friend from before I met my husband. We sent some texts back and forth talking about the good old days. Twice the texts became inappropriate. Once, he said "hows your day going" and I said "you know, just dancing around in my underwear" The second text was I jokingly told him I had hooked up with him way back in the day because he had a cool car. (We were friends who hooked up once, before I even met my husband). Other than these texts - which I know were sooo wrong to send - nothing else was said or done and we haven't even talked in almost a year.

Women who are happy with their lives and their marriages, don't cheat on their husbands. You've written that you aren't eve in love with your husband, so I am not sure what advice you're seeking. That it's ok to cheat? No, not in my opinion. That your husband setting boundaries with you because you betrayed his trust and the sanctity of your marriage, since you don't really love him to begin with, overreacted because you hurt him emotionally and destroyed his trust in you as a marriage partner and life partner? Totally a "you" problem. You don't even seem sorry that you hurt your husband. There's no remorseful tone in your post anywhere, lamenting that you feel bad about what you did.

Your husband has a right to feel hurt and betrayed by your flirting with your guy friend whom you previously hooked up with before you got married. My advice? Get a divorce? Or at the very least, separated and go into marriage counseling if you even care about saving this marriage. Your husband deserves to be with a woman who is emotionally mature enough to deal with her insecurities, without involving other people, rather than be with you who acts inappropriately, isn't remorseful who gets mad when she's held accountable for her choices that she admits to us she knows hurts other people.

I don't think you are emotionally mature, despite having 4 children with your husband. If you were, you would have addressed your problems with a counselor a long time ago. I have no sympathy for women or men who act this way with their romantic partner, especially when there is no remorse or self-awareness present. Did you even think about the consequences of sending those flirty texts with your guy friend? Do you even feel bad for what you did? You wrote that you two had a sexual fling years before you got married. Then you wrote that you knew it was wrong to send your guy friend that text about dancing around in your underwear. And you are shocked that your husband is angry with you for initiating the flirting with your old sexual fling? Yet, you are painting (to readers here) that you are the "real" victim when you 1) admit you started this whole thing with your actions and 2) show zero remorse 3) blame both men for your choices because it's easier to blame than it is to own up to bad behavior and admit that you made a huge mistake. I don't believe your husband set up your old fling to reach out to you out of the blue. And even if he did, he was suspicious that you don't love him anymore, which you admit to in your post that you don't love your husband and probably never did.

Stop gaslighting your husband and painting him as the bad guy, when you admitted that you knew that what you did was wrong by sending your past-fling/guy friend those flirty texts. What do you want from this situation? I find it hard to believe that you'd care about how your husband feels, since you don't care how he feels. If you two do divorce, the children should go with the parent who is the emotionally safe parent, the financially stable parent. The parent who isn't going to project their own insecurities onto their children, thereby weaponizing their children against their spouse.

I think you need counseling to find out why you are on a warpath to destroy your marriage and blame your husband for your own issues. That's the real problem here. Your acting out is a symptom of your own unhappiness. Not your husband's. Not that old fling.