I'll also add that you're the one who chose to marry your husband anyway, knowing that he cheated on you when you two were just dating. I think you stepped into that situation knowing full well that eventually, one of you would disrupt the repressed anger that his cheating escapades during your dating, created between you and your husband.

There is no strength is silence. You chose not to speak up, which is about you. Not about your husband. Not about that other guy. It's about you.

You also chose to stay with a man who cheated on you and you did nothing about it. Did you expect that your repressed anger would just dissipate?

Then, you did something really irresponsible: you had 4 children with a man who cheated on you while you two dated, after you chose to marry him.

How can you stay silent for 30 years about his cheating and then not expect him to get angry when you emotionally cheat on him via those text messages that you initiated with your previous fling when you two ran into each other?

That again, is a "you" problem. If you choose to stay silent that's not anyone else's responsibility except for yours.

I think you need to get some counseling to decide what to do with your situation.