I haven't read all the replies yet, but...

I wrote and deleted a letter to her about 10x before posting that on the forum.

Then I went outside and worked hard for about 2 hours.

Then I shut off my phone for a day.

And WOW did I feel better by Monday.

Then I met with my lawyer who said:

Good luck getting a judge to push a happy adjusted family out of the family home. You're probably there until your youngest is done college. At which point your wife is entitled to half the value of the home at the time she left.

Your wife is voluntarily underemployed. She's been given ample support and time to complete an education. She also already HAS an education worth over $100k a year depending where she lives. You have the kids, so it is her CHOICE to not earn that. Therefore, you owe her little to nothing in spousal support. She can actually be expected to contribute significantly in child support to you.

She won't want to see that be argued in court, or have the court hear about her reckless driving and day drinking, so you're probably years away from a settlement.

If you DO end up owing her support payments, the fact that you assumed all the responsibility for the family, and the responsibility for maintaining the home and paying off debts will offset anything she'll be owed.

Oh. My. Goodness. 😀