Dear Dr. S, I know we've talked a lot about my health. I have not told you one thing that is concerning me about it. I'm actually hoping it will be bad so things can end. But, because I want it to end, I'm betting it will be something that is medically manageable - just a pain in the butt, making life even less fun.

I'm so tired of it all. I have means and motive AND I can't do anything about it. It has to be natural. I can't do anything that would hurt others that much - so I don't have motivation.

I don't understand why others go, and I'm standing, jumping over here saying pick me, pick me.

We are 7 yrs in and this is the best I've gotten to. Sure there's been moments it's been better. Short periods. There's been lots of events and struggles that out weigh those moments.

So yes, I'm put off seeking medical in hopes that if it is something serious, I will have waited too long for them to do anything about it.