That sounds like a deeper, more profound experience than mine, or perhaps I have yet to uncover the depth of these losses of self and others. To me, whenever such a relationship ended, all I felt was relief, to be alone again, to be free. Now, sometimes I feel grief, but it is not the relationship I grief (I think), but the loss of a continuous sense of self. I'm not sure about any of it, I think I would need to go deeper to uncover what exectly it is that I feel. I do think I remember all of it. It is my childhood that I have in part blocked out, but these past relationships I remember, I just can't relate to it.

The feeling of fragmentation you discribe however is the same. It can be very hard to endure this feeling, and I think I would need to sit with it and try to get comfortable holding it if I am to integrate these things. I think you are right about the scrapbook, and writing to explore these chapters of life. It sounds like a very good idea to me, espacially as writing in itself slows things down, and on the one hand forces one to sit with the feeling, and on the other does provide a proxy -the paper- to distance oneself from it a little and observe it as if from outside. There is an element of fragmentation to this, too, but perhaps to a usefull degree. I think I will try this, thank you.

I think perhaps for you it would be good to set a timer and start this process more slowly, because it sounds like the accomanying emotions might be very overwhelming. How are you with sitting with them? Would be a good idea to discuss this idea with our respective therapists (if you are in therapy)?

This feels very much like a thought in progress, like wip. I feel like I'm just starting to think about these things, and to notice them. I'm curious and maybe a little cautious what lies behind the next corner (and the next and next after that).