A few things from Friday's session.

I talked about my mom and a long estrangement she's had from her sister, my aunt. How it struck me that she was able to hold a grudge against someone for so long, and I wasn't even sure what exactly it was about (I know some of it relates to my late grandmother, their mother, regarding her long illness and later death, but it was going on off and on before that as well).

Dr. T asked, "So does that make you wonder if it could happen to you, too, that she could decide to stop communicating with you for some reason as well?" Me: "Yeah, I guess so...I hadn't really considered this before, connecting that conflict with the possibility of cutting me off. I mean, I doubt she would, but still...it was her own sister." I also mentioned how she was estranged from my now-late uncle for a few years in there.

Dr. T: "Where is all this new material coming from after 5 years? This is like, something that would be in the season finale, to make sure viewers return next season. Like a coming attractions." There had also been something new I shared a few weeks ago regarding something I'd witnessed between two friends (where he was like, "Why have you never told me about this? It seems important.") So it does seem a part of a pattern. I said I didn't know.

He then went on to share a story of his grandmother--he said his mother's mother--holding a 25-year grudge against her next-door neighbor in Brooklyn, for thinking she'd run over some flowers she'd planted in a shared driveway. But never told the neighbor about it (they later learned that the neighbor had been out of town at the time, and it had likely been her daughter who was house-sitting). At first, he said, "This story will only take a minute." Then partway through, he looked at his Apple Watch and was like, "Sorry, this is taking a bit longer than a minute." Me: "It's OK--it's interesting!" It also seemed a pretty close parallel.

We talked more about my mom and how she judges people. But also can seem very supportive and empathetic toward her friends. I was saying how she seemed very judgmental of my uncle (her brother). And how I guess that colored my own view of him. But that when I learned, maybe 15 years ago, that he was bipolar, my view of him shifted a bit, and some of the things he did made more sense. How I saw him in a different light. Dr. T said, "Lonesome Tonight (using my full name), are you seeing shades of gray in people?"

I said, "I guess, but I think I normally do see shades of gray in other people, less so with myself." He said it does seem like with him (and when I'm talking about ex-MC, too), that it can seem like I either see him as great or awful, with no real in-between. We discussed how the negative view seemed to be particularly when my abandonment/rejection fears are triggered.

This led to my saying, "I know we discussed this a bit before, but I still find it interesting that ex-MC, when he hurt me badly, I couldn't seem to go back to trusting him and had to leave. But with you, I've been hurt multiple times--I mean, I guess I did leave the one time and nearly left recently--but I also came back. And I guess that's because I viewed him in a certain way, and what happened changed that view of him, so that I couldn't go back? Like he was on a pedestal and then wasn't anymore?"

Dr. T said: "When you're on a pedestal, there's a long way to fall. You've never put me up particularly high. What's that saying? 'There's nowhere to fall if you're already on the floor?'" Me: "You're not on the floor. You're at least on a low bench!" We both laughed about that a little.

When I was leaving, we shook hands, and Dr. T asked, "It's Friday?" Me: "Yes." Dr. T: "Have a good weekend." Me: "You, too."