This is hard.

I really wanted to be together with her forever. She was the only person I ever wanted to be married to. I have never had "the one who got away" experience. I found my person and kept her.

I can't express anything like that. Our oldest took a lot of anger from his mom. Anything I say, such as that I miss her, or wish things were different, or anything, of the kind results in him becoming quiet and distant. We talked a long time last night. He very much needs someplace safe to attach to, and a safe person who won't make him feel like he is second place.

It's hard to mourn in silence, it is hard to move forward with love and no anger towards my wife, but I am NOT going to become one of those marriage naysayers or divorced men who bash their ex. I won't. I loved her, completely. I accepted her.

I'm also not going to give up easily. She isn't going to damage us financially in the long term when the only person that gains will be her. I won't pick a fight, but I darn well will stand up for our futures.

And THAT is hard. My wife was very, very giving in our early years. We alternately were the "bread winner".

Anyway.... Hard day.

Good thing I'm so tough.