silver...i tried to respond earlier, but i lost all energy an gave up. so i try again.
i wish for you that you could feel better. you're graduated now, right? and isolated but for work. we gotta push past the isloation. it is like a poison. you still live at home? maybe more feasible to work up to save and move to the city (where there is transportation and therapists and friends - and no more isolation and ppl that hurt you?) than a car. no one can make the choices but you ( too bad, eh? sometimes it would just be easier if they were all made already) and i know you know that. Keep pushing the boundry - fight the isloation. it is the biggest prison.
many hugs to you
oh - if you really were a monster, your dog would cower in a corner, rather than seek you out =) animals tell the truth. you're no monster. just in a lot of pain.
(((((((((((((silver))))))))))))))