Hello. Haven't been on a forum like this in a long long time. I would greatly appreciate any and all feedback that I can get...
I do have two great friends and family members who listen to me but I need more than that. I'm 42.
Been married to my husband for 3 years, second marriage, living together for 7. My first marriage was over 10 years. We do not have kids thankfully, my only son from my first marriage is now 19.
For the most part, our relationship has been good. From the beginning, I saw little signs of OCD behavior that I more then well adapted to 😁 Never questioned him, always helped him in what he wanted done which was cleaning certain parts of the house like the basement - vacuuming the ceiling with lights off using only a flashlight, vacuuming the basement floors and mopping. He knew I love to drink wine so we used to hang out together late at night and I would have a couple glasses and help him clean..

I have had a job as a professional housekeeper and I have mostly been a stay at home mom / wife and clean and cook real nice dinners and such.. I don't mind cleaning at all I take pride in how I clean and have gotten a lot of praise and recognition from my co workers and bosses at my job being a housekeeper.

My husband and I moved into a new house 4 years ago, move in ready and we were very excited - my husband is very close with his mom but around 4 years ago, she got her son too involved in things that she shouldn't have and she was the reason why we had to get a new home, she moved herself into his home that he already had before I came into the picture, so it was the three of us living together without real concent from him. So he just said that we're moving out and let her have to house to herself - the deed is split between them anyway.

Since we moved here. In our new home, that's when this became hard. Other outside stresses really pushed this as well... My sister, his lay-off and of course, the pandemic... All played into a factor here. I swear I have never cleaned my own home so much in my entire life, even growing up! Everything and I mean Everything has to be spotless! Not a single crumb anywhere and it has gotten so bad that I've become a lot more nervous and of course more accident prone because I'm so nervous.
My husband now stands over me literally when I'm trying to just get a frozen pizza in the oven, making sure that I don't leave a mess and literally if 2 tiny pieces of cheese fall anywhere, he's right there to clean the ENTIRE area of the kitchen with windex in hand and blocks me from the area where I was preparing our food then when he's done cleaning, I can put the pizza or whatever dinner in the oven. Like I said, I've cleaned really well my entire life and one of the things he loved about me which I knew. I've never slacked off or anything lol everyone that has been in our home tells me it's like straight out of a magazine! How clean it looks! 😁

My husband is and has been more of a home body, likes to work on his phones and computers way past the normal work hours every day, his average sleep is 3 hours a day until the weekend... 2 pm and still sleeping and he's been like this mostly his whole life.

In the past year, he's quit smoking, social drinking, quit pop, quit weed (8 years ago) lol but I like to drink wine, which he knew from day one, and I have always smoked cigs. Was able to smoke in the house but since moving here, I can only smoke outside and never complained about it.
I sadly have to say, I have been drinking a lot more especially during the day cause he's not home and that it was a lot more than I used to mainly cause I'm always nervous and want to be more relaxed. I also have more fun just being in the kitchen, listening to music on my phone, stuff he doesn't like, drinking wine and cooking then clean while dinners going while he's in his office. But of course, after a nice buzz and eating, he cleans over everything I did using the same methods I do while he talks my ear off and when I try to include myself in his conversation, he constantly talks louder over me until he is done talking, then when I want to put my own thoughts into what he's talking about he's over the subject and moves on. Lol not even arguing - it could be a story that he's told me a million times and I just let him talk, since I can't say anything even if I fully agree to what he's saying. 🙄

I'm not allowed to fry anything on the stove... All meats HAVE to be done on the oven to prevent grease on the walls and actually makes it easier since the back splash doesn't have to be scrubbed so I've adapted to how I cook, clean, smoke, but the drinking did get out of hand on my end which I cut down A LOT by the way on my own cause I'm sick of him lecturing me about it all the time. Not to mention that I've actually been getting MORE nervous while I drink cause I know he hates it. So what's the point right.? We don't have a grill either cause he doesn't want "clutter" on our super clean and lovely patio where I only hang out on during the summer.

I don't have a car, I don't even share his car, we go out together when he wants to leave the house or I will walk a short distance to the grocery store while he's at work, until he locked my credit card cause he doesn't want me to even attempt to buy wine.

I do everything around here except mowing the grass but I do leave blow, did our landscaping by myself, etc. He's very rude and doesn't say thank you he just constantly says "I need assistance!" and literally snaps his fingers at me... My own neighbors have seen it.

Bottom line is I really don't want theorpy because of HIS behavior - this is how he is now, no going back, he's also 42. I have tried to talk to him about it but he talks over me and points out my day drinking and that I'm not fun anymore 🤷🏼*♀️ so I just leave the room and I don't even bother. I've noticed with myself that I have a lot of nervousness and anxiety and no matter what I try to get myself out of those feelings, whether walking, working out at home, laying in the sun, I always feel the constant pressure of making sure everything is perfectly spotless when new gets home.