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Old Mar 25, 2023, 02:12 PM
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~Christina ~Christina is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 22,450
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosi700 View Post
SUFFERING.

I know I said I come here more seldom, but this day has been so hard that I need to talk to you.

I am sitting right up and down like if I am glued to my chair. I have a lot to do, but does not do anything as of moving my body will harm me!

I have pain in my face as if something has changed after the massages in shoulders, neck and arms. Some years ago I went to a "whole person massage" where the massage therapist had an education in the relationship between tense muscles and emotions. It was really helping, but I had to move because of shift in the job. So I could not continue with that therapist.

I tried another with this "whole person" approach ,but he was too technical for me. I didn't feel like he was there together with me where I needed him to be.
The Massage therapist I now have is usually good, but neither him or I knew abut the inflammation in my shoulder. I think I will take a break from him, but on the other hand I feel that I am letting him down if I stop. I am only one of his many patients, so why should he feel failed be me? (This is complete idiotic).

I have been so full of the feeling that I am hurting others for the time being. So, as already told, I feel that if I cancel my appointment, I am failing him. I thought thoughts like that was passed far back in my student therapy many years ago. I have had this strange feeling of failing others the last weeks, so it is a change in my usual way of functioning.

In the same weeks I have used more Valium then I am allowed to use. I have taken a higher doze, tried to wean it off, but ended up with a new higher dose and so on. It "pricks" in my face when I go down in doze and my mouth feel numb.

After trying to wean off the last days, I felt so tense today that I was afraid of becoming mad, losing control or whatever. I wanted to scream out loud. It is only 20 mg, but old people shall not have high doses. The ordinary dose I am on is 2 1/2 mg.

Sorry for ranting, but to come here is the only place I know about where I meet people that probably will understand or at least accept my feelings.

I do feel better after coming here with the Valium inside (but there comes days after this where the dose has to go down again)!

Does anyone have an advice for me?

Oh hun. I’m sorry everything is just piling on top of stacks of physical and emotional mountains higher and higher.

When you mix physical distress with emotional stress it can really knock you off your feet. My only advice is what I have to do sometimes is just FLOAT. Stop flogging your self to keep going up stream. It can be to exhausting. So give yourself time to go accept that your worn out and to give yourself some grace. Probably in a few days you will get up and dust yourself off to begin the battle up stream. Hugs !

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Helping others gets me out of my own head ~
Hugs from:
Fuzzybear, HALLIEBETH87, Rosi700
Thanks for this!
Crazy Hitch, HALLIEBETH87, Rosi700