I was emotionally and physically abused (and sexually as well) by my sister and I always thought it was my fault and I deserved it. I felt like a loser growing up and felt quite I adequate as a boy and then a man. It went to my ahead that I deserved it. Therapy helped and I highly recommend it. It is never the victim’s fault and no one deserves to be abused. The other person was at fault and not you. I wish you strength at this time.