Last two years of my career were a rollercoaster. In 2021, I've decided to persue my dream and applied for a PhD in cognitive science. Unfortunately, the lab that paid me and gave me equipment got closed because of the war (although I'm still formally a PhD student with many obligations). I had to move with my supervisor to another end of the country. We tried to set a lab there, wrote hundreds of funding applications, but nothing worked. For a few months i literally had no income.
Ir was hard to find a new position, because I don't have that much skills yet 😔 Finally, I landed a part-time job in a lab (not very relevant, but that's an opportunity to get some useful programming skills), plus part-time teaching, plus part-time lecturing - all of it was barely enough to keep me afloat. Plus I still had my unpaid dissertation project to finish
In December 2022, semester of teaching and lecturing has ended. I felt so burnt out, that I did not look for another job, even though the money from the part-time lab position didn't cover even my food and living at student dorms. I tried to give myself time to recharge, but nothing helped.
I'm so overwhelmed. My supervisor is pressuring me to work on my dissertation and publications, saying that i won't be able to graduate if i won't speed up. Also, he promises to get me more courses to teach in the next year, but that's more frightening than inspiring. Also, I have obligations at the lab (my only source of money right now), and i already let down one of my colleague there... i don't know if i will cope with it.
And really, it's not as much as it sounds. Many of PhD students in my university are doing more. I have only three days of formal job responsibilities right now, but i can't make myself work during the rest of the week (on dissertation and articles)
Also, as a phd student, i have exams and several courses. At the most interesting one, the professor noticed me. We chatted a bit and he said that he likes the way i'm thinking. He suggested that I should write a motivational letter and apply for a part-time job in his lab (again, with a very small salary). I agreed to do it, because projects in his lab (although new to me and not relevant to my dissertation) are very much alike to those inspiring studies that initially dragged me into cognitive science.
I should be excited, but i'm not. Tomorrow is the deadline, already postponed. Today my supervisor called me and insisted that i should describe HIS research interests in my motivational letter, not mine. I refused, we argued for the first time, and that call was paralyzing. Now i'm procrastinating and don't know how to make myself work. I've had several days of rest, but i don't feel rested. Instead of working on my motivational letter, burning drafts or dissertation, I think about quitting entirely
What should I do?
I'll be greatful for any advice or new option.
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