I have a little confusion. Why does your new bf need J’s blessing? He needs to step up if he cares about you. J needs isolated and ostracized from any social group you have. Your mental health is paramount and this guy is a total piece of s***. Mis gendering you on purpose is a direct slap in the face. Don’t hurt yourself. That’s like him having a lasting power over you and that isn’t fair to you even though your emotions betray you there. You have every right to feel the way you do and he did violate you and does every time he opens his malignant mouth.

Anyone questioning your gender identity needs removed from your life. I’m sorry to be that blunt. They don’t deserve you and you don’t deserve the bulls**t they bring, to me it sounds like you were nothing more than a notch on their bedpost.

You are a real person and all the complexities that brings and it sounds like you’ve unfortunately found people who don’t respect that. NB and all people on the trans spectrum will unfortunately be subject to more bs than most but we don’t have to let them affect us or get into our heads. Be well.