The other thing that stands out in what you have shared is how you get through the day by self medicating. The nicotine is a drug that aids in frontal lobe concentration. However, it’s very short acting and in stressful situations starts to become needed more and more to pacify an unmet need.

The alcohol is used to self medicate to ease the discomfort of anxiety and to obtain a false good feeling of pleasure one gets from experiencing dopamine that the brain produces through actual growth and self assuredness.

In effect what you are doing is preventing your body from telling you something is causing you emotional discomfort and stress.

OCD is an obsessive need to control ones environment. It tends to exist on a spectrum from mild to extreme. When a person has this challenge it’s their responsibility to learn what it means and how to develop skills to manage it through self awareness and medication.