This thread got me thinking about what the real deal breakers were in all my relationships. The answer was simply the commitment just didn’t feel right. I got into the relationship that became exclusive, committed, and felt uncomfortable, and wanted to be out of it.

The commitment happened from the start, without first just being friends, learning all the things about each other that are the kinds of deal breakers mentioned on this thread. You never really know your boundaries until someone crosses them.

I was so not political when I met my husband. But in recent years, realized we have very different opinions, and I resented his attitude. I couldn’t have known that when we met, or that might have been a deal breaker. But, in reality, even that wasn’t the actual deal breaker.

The real thing was very simply how I feel about being committed to them. It was a feeling of losing myself due to being colored by them as my partner. It was not just fear of enmeshment, actual engulfment.

There could be all the incompatible behaviors and opinions in the world, they may not actually be deal breakers. There could be complete similarity and compatibility, and it could just be that i have a compulsive deep-seated fear that won’t allow me to feel content, secure attachment and stay with a partner in comfort and happiness.